Last weekend, I luckily awoke lake front amongst a group of fun, open minded, and fantastic friends. The air was crisp, spirits were high (probably residual buzzes from last night), and we were all so happy to be together in the middle of just about nowhere, WV.
After egg casserole, fruit salad, and hot, delicious, and invigorating coffee, what else was there to do besides some Universal Law Spiritual Awakening card readings? These are brand new cards for me. So new that they still stick together when I shuffle. They still have the new card scent that reeks of possibilities, hope, and opportunities to raise awareness and incite change. I am still learning their ways, and they are teaching me so much. The most exciting thing that I have learned is that they are connecting me even more than ever, coaxing cherished details from the recipients that the other cards never did. Perhaps I wasn’t ready for that intimacy yet. Perhaps I had to learn neutrality first. One important rule about reading cards is that I don’t bring what I know about the recipient into my reading, that I remain impartial, staying true to only what I see in the cards. That is tough for me because
1. I am nosy.
2. I only read cards for friends, so I have preconceived insights and opinions.
3. I talk a lot. Keeping quiet is not one of my strengths.
But these cards are unlocking something special. Something magical is happening with the readings from these cards. Tears of relief are flowing and epiphanies are at a new level. Breakthroughs are abound.
One commonality from the several card readings that I offered last weekend had an intriguing commonality: each recipient shared (in one way or another) experiencing a lack of worthiness. This got me wondering.
Do we feel pride and worth when good things happen? Or guilt because of a lack of worth?
How many of us desperately desire to know why bad things happen and attempt to attribute them to our flaws, our sins?
After all, as Baba claims in the The Kite Runner, “There is only one sin, only one, and that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft.” So because we have all sinned, when something bad happens to us, we may wonder, Is this karma at work? Something joyful or meaningful is stolen from me because of what I have stolen from somebody? Are we condemned to have bad things happen because we are all flawed? Perhaps it is so. Or perhaps it just IS. Events and experiences being judged as good or bad (or some variation within the spectrum of these words) are just that: judgements (often based on societal norms). Boring and limiting, right? What a waste of time and energy and, most importantly, potential for personal growth.
In 1984, Orwell created a world where complete, authoritarian control was established, in part, by minimizing vocabulary, the general public’s access to words. Good, and the variations within the spectrum of this word: ungood, plusgood, and doubleplusgood, were the only words to describe events and experiences, cutting out the concept of anything bad or negative. And unless you are talking about orgasms, which should only have degrees of good attributed to them,…
limited vocabulary limits experience, potential, critical thinking, and therefore, the general public’s experiences, opinions, and input.
If we judge based on events and experiences being good or bad, aren’t we being similarly limiting? Let’s not do that absolute bullshit to ourselves. How freeing would it be if we could accept that events and experiences just ARE. Nobody is worthy or unworthy. Worthiness is a social construct based on what society says is good or bad. Things can be good or bad, like shoes, food, or print quality. But not events, not experiences. They are so much more complicated. And so much more beautiful, even when tragic.
Nobody puts baby in a corner. Let’s open up our world and soar amongst its possibilities.
I have had two different conversations with people, who I very much enjoy talking to, who don’t curse very much. I have asked both of these people why they don’t curse, and interestingly, they both gave the same answer, “Because there are so many other creative ways to say things.” I feel the same way about good or bad when processing experiences and events. There are so many more creative ways to describe them, ways that don’t subscribe to societal norms and consequently trap us in undesired paths. Let’s start using words that promote self reflection instead of self loathing. (And don’t even get me started about the manifestation piece with judgmental words.)
Back to the point. What things are “bad?” Some possibilities: Loss, Anger, Fear.
We mourn a loss. How lucky to have loved so much and to have been so connected.
We feel anger. How lucky to have cared so much about something.
We experience fear. How lucky to have challenges that could offer adventure and/or new opportunities.
Now these words demonstrate creativity and have complexity. They are exciting and encompass some of life’s zest. Not boring and judgmental like good or bad.
Perhaps an actually helpful question when reflecting upon an event or experience that caused pain, happiness, joy, or sorrow could be Was/Is this useful?
Heavy, right? Welcome the the inner dialogue between me, myself, and I that never shuts the fuck up. To calm the heavy thoughts, I often share with friends in person or I write them down. Oftentimes the reaction is, “Geez, how much weed did you smoke today?”
Actually, that is my mind not on drugs. My other coping strategy for the tirades of my mind is smoking weed because, like sharing with friends like you, smoking also helps calm the chaos.
Let’s practice. Good or bad? Don’t answer. Have you learned nothing? Coping strategies are events and experiences that we no longer judge as good or bad. We ask, Is it helpful? And every time, the answer is Yes, weed is helpful. Things, however, can be good or bad. And, you guessed it, I get the good weed.
Suddenly Single Again 